


Face Palmer

by GentlemanBones



Category: Pokemon
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-25
Updated: 2011-05-25
Packaged: 2017-10-19 18:46:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/204084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentlemanBones/pseuds/GentlemanBones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate telling of the Mount Coronet incident wherein Palmer had been at the mountain's peak rather than Cynthia. An important note: Palmer is a total spaz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Face Palmer

Things weren't looking good; following the successful summoning of Dialga and Palkia to the mortal realm, things had very quickly started to roll down hill. With ridiculous speed, like butter sliding down a plastic racetrack hung from some kid's bedroom door. The skies went dark, the earth shook, and two behemoths from beyond reality were...really just standing around, but that's all they needed to do to intimidate the rational thought out of people.

The proverbial butter hit the metaphorical fan when a third deity appeared, a black mass of shadow with glowing eyes that snatched away the man responsible for these events. Much to Cyrus' chagrin, and the misfortune of everyone's underwear.

Palmer wasn't worried. "HOLY WOW DID YOU SEE THAT THAT WAS AWESOME." The veteran trainer hopped up and down excitedly, running over to the edge of the dark vortex that Giratina had left open. "Oh wait wait wait, Cyrus escaped down there! We have to go after him!" He rushed back to the small assembled group, shooting his hand high up in the air to get everyone's attention. "OKAY, I NEED VOLUNTEERS. IF I'M GOING DOWN THERE, I'M NOT DYING ALONE."

Barry waved his arms back and forth in excitement, stepping forward. "I'll go, Dad! I've always wanted the opportunity to prove to you that I'm becoming a worthwhile trainer...a worthwhile person! Let's go together, and put an end to Team Galactic's--"

Palmer shot his hand out, grabbing Lucas by the wrist and dragging him over to the doomhole. "Way to volunteer, Lucas! Totally brave. Let's go!" The Tower Tycoon tossed the ten year old into the pit, and hopped after him, surely to their immediate deaths. Barry sat on his knees and weeped openly while everyone else sort of stared and slowly backed away.

"THIS PLACE IS AWESOME." Palmer shouted at the top of his lungs upon arriving in the fractured landscape of Distortion World. Lucas was dusting off his clothes and trying not to throw up.

"This place...ugh...I can't tell which way is up. We should probably be careful how we press forward, but we can't afford to let Cyrus get too far ahead, so we need to--"

"Yeah okay. DRAGONITE." The older man tossed a Pokeball he'd retrieved from the sleeve of his coat, releasing the orange dragon inside. He immediately latched onto the Pokemon's back and tapped in the side with his heel, spurring the dragon into flight, soaring past whatever ridiculous obstacles were in the way. And damn, was it crazy in there. He must've flown past, like, four upside-down waterfalls.

Cyrus had made it to a far platform, wobbly under his step. His resolve wouldn't be broken; the appearance of that shadow Pokemon had only slowed him down, it wouldn't stop him. In fact, the Pokemon would likely be useful to him, once he escaped from this place. He simply had to find it again...it couldn't hide forever.

"HEY GUY WHAT'S UP." Palmer landed on a platform behind him, his Dragonite  tapping its foot impatiently on the structurally unsound floating stones. "I heard you've been acting all villainy. I guess I should stop you!"

Cyrus turned to face the other man, and sneered. "You. I remember you. When we were children, you and I and Cynthia, we--"

"BORING. Dragonite!" His Pokemon rushed forward and shoulder-slammed the zombie of a man off the platform and into the endless void of Distortion, probably to an eternity of never-ending death and suffering, where there is no light or time, only darkness. Whatever, he probably would've enjoyed that. "LET'S BLOW THIS POPSICLE STAND."

Palmer flew back out of the hole they'd come in, and it sealed behind him, trapping Lucas inside as well, with surprised gasps from everyone that managed to stop staring at Barry while he wallowed in failure. Rowan was the first to speak.

"Palmer, what happened in there?!" The elderly gent questioned, not that anybody knew he'd said anything, his mustache overpowered everything he ever said or did. Fun fact: most people think 'Rowan' is the mustache's name and the old guy it's attached to is some kind of shoe.

"I kicked butt, is what happened." Palmer answered, he and his Dragonite suddenly wearing sunglasses.

Barry had recovered from his crybaby-fest. "Dad, you're so coool."

"Shut up, son." Then there was an explosion in the background or something.


End file.
